Before I go into the awesome weekend I had, full of friends and adopted family, I took a quick read of my favorite Charlotte periodical, Skirt. The article inspired me...and I finally did something today that I've been wanting to do for a while.
I cleaned out my Facebook friend list.
We all have them. Those friends who are more voyeurs than actual friends. Friends who consider you more a testament to how great THEY are. Friends who just watch your life go by like a soap opera, use you for gossip, and put no effort into asking how you really are. Friends who let you find out they're pregnant/married/moving to Afghanistan without at least the dignity of a group email. Last year I found out a former friend from our tight knit high school circle was pregnant via Facebook. It actually made me really mad.
Facebook is an easy way to find and reconnect with lost friends and keep in touch. But I've pretty much found them all. And after trying, unsuccessfully in several cases, to reignite an adult relationship with these folks, it's pretty much time to let them go for good. And it's liberating.
Part of it is because I'm bitter. I don't want people who won't return my emails to have it so easy to know how I am. If they want to know, they know how to find me and they can be adult about it. I'm worth more than just the annual Christmas letter.
Part of it is privacy. I don't want certain people to be able to chat me up while I'm browsing other people's posts. Most of my Facebook friends don't know about this blog.
Part of it is being an adult- and finally having the chutzpah to CHOOSE WHO I want in my life. It's amazing how many people guilt their way into your daily life, generally annoying and unwanted, doing it for selfish gain or entertainment. Family is one thing. Non-relations are totally different.
Don't get me wrong- My list hasn't dwindled to the 10 people who read this blog...but it has shrunk down to the kind-hearted folks who are earnestly interested in my well-being, make me feel happy, and those who make me laugh. And really, that's what friends are for.
RIGHT ON! May I post a link to this post on my FB page? :)
ReplyDeleteSure! I was actually trying to determine how much crossover we had in our friend lists, but I think it's ok. The less backlash the better! Maybe it's short enough for a transcription, but if not, I'm flattered. =)
ReplyDeleteYou two are funny. ;)
ReplyDeleteAn interesting twist to the problem is that people don't e-mail or call anymore because they *expect* that their friends and relations will be on FB. They're expecting the same level of voyeurism that they themselves enact... all of this in the sense that people don't call to find out how you're doing, they call to tell you how they are. I'm guilty of that, too, but FB takes it to a whole new and interesting level.
Oh, YESSS! People even get annoyed when you are NOT on FB, as if to say "well, why must you inconvenience me?" I use FB for two purposes - to view Jessica's photos, and to communicate with my tenant. A certain former sister in law who shall remain nameless is furious with me for "refusing to friend". It's not like she's too busy to email!
ReplyDelete