The Need for Reinvention

I just watched the graduation speech from Conan O'Brien to the class of 2011 at Dartmouth College.  He is hilarious, and unexpectedly, inspiring... perhaps more to me than to the graduating class.

He speaks, first, of the many quirks of Dartmouth in an accessible and familiar way.  He cracks jokes about the President.  He makes fun of the podium.  Finally, he talks about his last 17 months since he lost The Tonight Show. 

I was touched because I've felt the need to reinvent myself for some time.  I don't know how or into what.  I just know that I'm not satisfied where I am, here, now... and that perhaps a life as an engineer in an office is not my ideal life choice.  I'd like to take art classes.  I'd like to travel more.  I'd like to learn to dance.  I'd like to go back to college, in its way, and rejoin the semesters of liberal arts requirements, late night philosophy debates, and 2pm lectures.

The first question is how to pay for it, obviously.  The second question is "will it be worth it".  The third question is a related "will you use it for money".  I will be paying off my student loans this year.  I would hate to accumulate more loans just to pay them off with nothing lasting.  The obvious answer is you never know until you try.

In most ways I need to thank Claydreaming for this...if not clarity then at least inspiration... I've been stuck in a rut for so long I drove people mad.  I drove myself nuts.  Then I realized I can still try something new and become GOOD at it.  It was a revelation.

For a while we Shaw coworkers got together for a weekly freakout/quaffing session at nearby Joe's.  It was theraputic in some ways...and sad in others.  None of us were happy.  Nobody loved their job.  We were all drifting along.  And one by one the group split apart and found other, if not greener, pastures.  They ran away from Shaw the same way I want to, but I don't like running without direction.

So how to stop drifting?  Draw a line in the sand, I suppose.  I've been on the verge of moving for years now...first in Charlotte and now here in Salem.  I've been lucky enough to stay employed and explore the southeastern United States on the company dime.  It was insane, yes, but it was something.  Now I'm enjoying the North Shore, but perhaps not enough to claim it as "home".  The status of the plant and lack of direction have kept anything from feeling anything close to permanent, and yet also yielding that same, trapped feeling.

I've had a few major changes in my life, and they've all happened extremely fast, without enough time for me to object, and have always had a positive life result.  Conan's life change was thrust upon him without warning or permission.  I'm craving that right now.  Maybe something will come along soon.  Maybe I'll make it happen.

So I invite you to watch Conan's speech below.  It's about 25 minutes long, so settle in, and laugh your ass off.  Pour a glass of wine or a stiff martini, and imagine being a new graduate again.  Remember being young and invincible.  That expectation of the future, the presumption that things will work out because that's just what things do.

Then try to imagine that it's true.