This evening, I spent 30 minutes crawling (literally, crawling) through boiler tubes coated in 2 inches of pulverized limestone. When I sit, a cloud rises from my seat and settles in my coffee. My hair is stuck in a semi-permanent fiesta-like position. I complain, but good naturedly, because of the sheer absurdity of this situation. I am 35, single, and covered in a naturally-occurring emission-reducing additive at 3 in the morning.
And I kinda love it.
I have watched hole watches bicker over who thought I'd left the boiler when I had not. I kinda stand out, I said. I'm pretty sure I hadn't left, but I could be wrong, I said. I smiled, made no trouble, but made my point. Action was taken.
I am currently typing in a trailer wondering how the client would take it if I "girled it up". I'm thinking drapes. I'm also thinking plastic pink flamingo, which is actually absurdly hard to find in the state of Florida. I thought the $25 Christmas ornament was overkill... but if it comes with a remote I might do it.
I found a friendly colleague in the trailer next to mine. We shot the breeze, laughed at old jokes, then he gave me a free jumpsuit. Plus 3 free shirts with the company logo.
Hole watches recognize me. Plant personnel smile and give me a hug. Other vendors shake my hand. The weather is warm.
All of this is what makes my decision so heart breaking. I have a job offer. A decent job offer at a Shaw competitor in Boston. I would take the commuter rail, put on my good shoes, and go back to an office. It's more money, more exposure to building codes and standards, more stability, worse benefits, but ... it's not the plant. It's an office... with office-style problems.
Granted, plant life can drive me nuts. I get exasperated. I get insecure. The plant is currently being sold. Shaw is dying. I have 2 small projects underway which are causing much angst for the people who might actually have to do something for a living. I work with a manager who can be a Jekyll or a Hyde, depending on the weather, or depending on how much he wants to do my project for me.
So I've been making lists. I've been talking to people. Strangers. Managers. Family. Some say take the job. Some say hang out and be happy. I see what they're all saying, and I decide... and then the wind shifts and I change my mind.
This is all part of a phenomenon where I am physically incapable of making a decision. Getting a new phone was a prime example. iPhone or Android? I spent months agonizing. Then got the android. And hated it. So I traded it in for the iPhone and love it, but the angst I put myself through on such a simple thing was ridiculous. (Sarah invited me to Paris the same week as the power industry's PowerGen conference in Las Vegas. Lord knows how I'll decide that one...) I honestly don't know what my problem is. I usually come to a conclusion eventually... it just "feels correct". My gut is the wisest thing in my arsenal. But it's been silent. It's been silent for quite a while.
Which leaves me with logic and the sense that it really doesn't matter what I do in this case. There are equal perks in either situation. Vegas/Paris,... iPhone/Android... Shaw/Parsons Brinkerhoff. Heads or Tails.
I just can't decide.
Paris. Definitely Paris. Beyond that, I'd need more data. How much more job security, higher pay... to make up for having to sit at a desk. ??? If those factors are sufficient to allow you to invest more in other parts of your life which bring you joy (woodworking, travel, photography) then perhaps getting out of the field might be a decent tradeoff. If you're giving up your coveralls and your hard hat for little reward... Manolos and Jimmy Choo's aren't all that comfortable.
ReplyDeleteI'm not telling you to find your bliss. Firstly, that's such a smug, smarmy Mary Engelbreit kind of phrase. I'm suggesting that you think of happiness, maybe make a list, give it a numeric value... decide what's a fair trade and what would seem like servitude.
And if you want to vent, or debate further, you know where to find me!
BTW, do you happen to know the specifics of Brinkerhoff in Parsons-Brinkerhoff? I'd be interested to know the first name, and if he's from TX.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Paris, too, but I am a bit biased. Some data if you explore flights. The Paris airport code is CDG. A quick check this morning shows some good options for a $750 rt flight with a layover. Good choices for layover airports are: Montreal (I've never done it but work colleagues say its a great option for having an overnight flight that lines up with when you want to sleep), Frankfurt, Amsterdam, Zurich, Heathrow, Dulles. I, as a rule, avoid Philly whenever possible. -Sarah
ReplyDeleteI've "laid over" in Montreal, and it does work well for the internal clock.
ReplyDeleteKate, that sounds... great? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm actually leaning towards Vegas for the following reasons:
-I may be able to get work to pay for the flight.
-It's a shorter trip, potentially.
-It may get me better work perks, since it's all about field work.
I did decide not to take the job in the end. It filled me with part relief, and part sorrow. I'm glad the decision is made, and I'm sad that they seem like nice people. But the vacation got to me, and while the money was great, it just didn't feel right. My gut spoke in the end. My search isn't over, but it gives me some direction, in the meantime.
Sounds like you made an intelligent decision for a lot of good reasons. And since you're choosing Vegas (yeccch) over Paris (ooh, la la!), may I mention that Sand Diego is only an hour's flight away! Could, perhaps a few more days be taken?
ReplyDeleteJennifer, dearest...life goes on, and so must your blog. Your public awaits, eagerly.
ReplyDelete